The Washington Post, which pays reporters to break the big news stories that I make lazy jokes about, published leaked transcripts of President Donald Trump’s (months-old) phone calls with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull yesterday. They are hilarious, and you should read them.
Seriously, they are very, very funny. Some parts are at Trump’s typical chuckle level, such as this section of the Nieto call:
My people stand up and say, “Mexico will pay for the wall” and your people probably say something in a similar but slightly different language. But the fact is we are both in a little bit of a political bind because I have to have Mexico pay for the wall – I have to.
Listen, sir, we are both in a bit of a bind because I told my wife that I already made this dinner reservation.
Then there are parts that rise to the level of pure art, like this part of the Turnbull call:
Look, I spoke to Putin, Merkel, Abe of Japan, to France today, and this was my most unpleasant call because I will be honest with you. I hate taking these people. I guarantee you they are bad. That is why they are in prison right now. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people.