Welcome to Monday Memes, where we take a look at all of the best and worst memes that the internet had to offer in the past week. This week: Sharks defeat America
We awake today a nation in mourning. Last night, while you were watching Game of Thrones because it was good five seasons ago and you’re too far along to stop, America suffered a stunning defeat on live television. Yes, Michael Phelps – perhaps America’s greatest non-pregnant athlete – got his ass owned by a shark last night. Watch below, if you can:
— Shark Week (@SharkWeek) July 24, 2017
Moment of glory, my ass. Can sharks tweet now? Do they have fingers? What treasonous Twitter intern is this, celebrating the defeat of our nation and our species? It’s not edgy to root for the shark, nerds. You’re not going to be swimming one day and get spared by a hungry shark because of your Uncle shark-Tom attitude. Get bent.
And before you point out that the shark has an inherent advantage here, I will remind you that Phelps and the Shark Week promoters got to choose what type of shark Phelps raced. They didn’t pit him against a Shortfin Mako, which can apparently swim at speeds up to 60 mph (holy shit). Phelps and his promoters thought he was going to win this thing. He lost.
— Michael Phelps (@MichaelPhelps) July 24, 2017
No, Mike. This L is for life. No do-overs. We didn’t go back to ‘Nam, either.
At least Mexico lost at soccer this week. Anyway, want to see some memes?
Meme grade: It had had been a little while since we’d last checked in on Occupy Democrats, and I wanted to make sure that their memes still suck. They do!
Meanwhile, it was mostly the usual racist trash over at r/The_Donald, with a few notable exceptions – which we will check out right now!
Meme grade: They blew the font choice, but otherwise I rather like this one.
Meme grade: Worth it for the Great Wall Photoshop job alone, imo. MEME OF THE WEEK.
Are you familiar with ShitpostBot 5000? ShitpostBot 5000 is an automated meme generator. It runs on user-submitted images – you can submit a source image or a template on ShitpostBot 5000’s website, and the bot will randomly fill the templates with the source images to generate memes. Often, these memes make no sense at all. But the remarkable and maybe depressing thing is that these randomly generated memes are often pretty much as good as the ones that humans actually labor over. To wit:
— ShitpostBot 5000 (@ShitpostBot5000) July 23, 2017
Meme grade: Works for me.
What has your angry grandpa been up to lately?
Meme grade: FW:FW:RE:FW:FW:FW:FW: A+
Reddit’s r/forwardsfromgrandma is a treasure trove of this stuff, though you can always just check in on their greatest hits here once a week. It’s what I’m here for, folks.
Meme grade: Hell yeah, I love this one. This kind of shit is why I do what I do. A+++
It was a relatively quiet meme week left of the aisle. Let’s check in on the socialists, shall we?
Meme grade: Compelling stuff. Hard to imagine why these people keep losing.
Left Twitter and Reddit’s r/LateStageCapitalism have this amazing habit of making memes out of historic socialist moments that are just, like, descriptions of a thing that happened.
Meme grade: I have some questions about this meme:
- Why are they in space
- Why is everything purple and glowing
- Why is the text in an early computer font
If you can answer these questions, please email me at email@example.com. Thank u.
Remember r/neoliberal, the subreddit that seemed destined to rescue centrist memes? Are they still making good memes? Let’s check!
Meme grade: No
Okay, let’s wrap this up. One more for the road:
— KRANG T. NELSON (@KrangTNelson) July 23, 2017
Meme grade: ELITE.
See you next week.